Eggers Emulation.

The author wishes to first acknowledge two things:
1. Although the following story and it's details are true, the author does not condone any behavior that is either similar in action, similar in consequence or similar in stupidity.
2. The author wishes to acknowledge her tardiness on this assignment, and the actual convenience of said tardiness. You see, if the author had done the blog post on time, the chance to tell this story that lends itself so very well to Eggers' style would have been lost. That said, the author hopes that the tardiness can be forgiven due to the convenience of the situation.

Here is a dog that looks awkwardly similar to a towel....

It's the last day of spring break, 70 degrees outside, and 3:00 in the morning- well actually, 2:00 in the morning, in reality, because of the time change... but that is superfluous. Sitting in the living room of a friend's house, surrounded by a group of friends from high school can cause a dangerous kind of nostalgia. The kind of nostalgia that takes you back to the feeling of being in high school, being stupid, being a kid still, being carefree... and even careless. The nostalgia set in about 30 minutes after a small bout of drinking. Whenever drinking with these friends, we kept things completely classy. On this particular occasion, our drink special was 3 shots of Kamchatka, eyeball measured, in a coffee mug and served with a room temperature 2 liter of Cherry Coke, passed around, for chasing.
With this dangerous form of nostalgia, as well as the alcohol, coursing through our veins, we were ready for whatever the world could throw at us. After the unanimous decision, of those in the room, to play hide and go seek tag outside, we made our way out of the confines of the apartment complex and found ourselves across the street from the familiar sets of commercial buildings and the daycare center that sat across from Nikki's house since we've been friends. I stood by and watched as my friends caused a ruckus in the day care parking lot, jumping over a giant melting pile of snow, trying to remain responsible.
After they grew tired of the snow, my friends decided to climb the roofs of the commercial buildings; each had a 3-4 foot stone wall attached to a 45 degree angle roof, allowing the climber maximum clearance to climb. Having never seen an opportunity so perfect for climbing, I partook in the exploration and climbed the roof, knowing it wasn't the best idea. Looking down from the roof, we scanned the streets and the surroundings; everything was silent and still.
Out of seemingly nowhere, a fat man in a black jacket came around the corner of the next building over, looking intently in the bushes with his flashlight. It's a cop. Fuck. I knew this was a bad idea. What the fuck? This is the goddamn middle of Westerville, and I've even been pulled over within 100 feet of this building, of course the cops would come. I watch as two of my friends make the quickest escape I've ever seen, causing the loud scraping of shoes-on-shingles to give away our position. Knowing that I couldn't risk getting caught, Nikki decided to leave me and one other person to hide, giving himself up to the cop in an all too cheerful way. He is such a dumb ass. We're fucked. "Hey, you! Boy! What the hell are you doing up there? Get over here and sit your ass on the curb!" Great. The cop said "boy"... he's already decided that Nikki, a tall but lanky black kid, is guilty. "Okee dokee, sir!" How is Nikki so naive? At this point, we're on the other side of the roof, trying to stay concealed. Fuck. My first rooftop, and I'm going to go to jail for it. Fuck! There is no way I'm jumping off the roof. Alex is going to jump off the roof.... and Alex is also going to expect me to jump.... I should jump. Fuck! If I jump, my dumb ass is going to break something and not even be able to run away or maybe fall and hit my head and get knocked out. Fuck that, I'm not jumping. The cop keeps shining his flashlight into the parking lot of the building, causing us to panic then feel relief when the light did not come round the corner, each time. Eventually there will be 5 cop cars here and they will find us. I'm fucked. I'm going to get kicked out of school, I'm going to get thrown in jail, my parents will disown me, and probably not even send me cool stuff in jail, I'm so fucking fucked. I hear Nikki blabber some nonsense about star gazing by himself as he's handcuffed and shoved into the back of a cruiser. God damnit Nikki. At this point, Alex is on the edge of the roof, waiting to jump down, feeling the urgency as we know our distraction has worn out. Two beams of light flicker across the lot and come around the corner. Why did I wear this bright yellow hoodie? I'm immediately visible but try and flatten myself into the crease of the roof where two parts come together. The light hits my eyes, as I divert my gaze and see Alex, about two feet away, also blinded by the lights. We're caught. Fuck. The cops order us to come down on the other side, and as we do so, a lady cop comes out of the trees and starts screaming "DON'T MOVE! WE HAVE YOU SURROUNDED, COME DOWN WITH YOUR HANDS UP! DON'T MOVE!" At the time, so not funny; right now, though, so funny. This lady cop thinks she's just caught some crazy bank robber or something way cooler than 3 twenty year olds, sitting on a roof. I see, as I predicted, 5 police cars, including one from a different township and a police SUV. FUCK! We get down and are immediately "detained"... see, first thing Alex says is "are we under arrest?" so the cops know that we know that they can't cuff us unless we're under arrest or they make up some reason to detain us, maybe we're a threat to their safety, but our knowledge of the proper procedures should not be flaunted because it will only give away the fact that each of us has had to deal with cops before, and know how it goes, or should go. I wish Alex knew that. Nikki is nowhere to be found. God, I hope they didn't already take him to HQ or where ever these men base their operations. Jesus I think this cop just pulled my arm out of its socket. Ow. I wish I had pushed my hair out of my face before being "detained". This one stupid hair is really bothering my chin right now and I'm going to freak out. FUCK! "We aren't going to file any charges, but as soon as your dumb ass friend over here gets those other two dumb ass friends of yours back here, and I chew all your dumb asses out, you'll be able to go." WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT? A cop... a Westerville cop... being cool? I feel the weight of LIFE IN PRISON and KICKED OUT OF SCHOOL instantly fall off of my shoulders as I realize I'm going to walk away from this with nothing but maybe bruises from the handcuffs, and really great story to tell.


Fin.